Dear Younger Me, you will be fatter…
Dear younger me,
Wow have I got a lot to tell you!
Firstly, I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time at the moment. You can’t see how beautiful you are, or what a cracking bod you have. I wish I could reach back to you and let you know. You don’t need to punish it. You shouldn’t feel guilty for eating crisps, and you definitely shouldn’t be counting calories and hiding food. I’m sorry you have been made to feel this way, and I don’t blame you for the way this disordered easting has followed me into my adult life.
The main thing I want to let you know right away is that you will get fatter (please don’t panic) and you will be loved. Life will be hard, they haven’t found a cure for your disease yet. Actually we now have a tube in our stomach helping us live a slightly more normal life. Who am I kidding, it’s not normal, but it is better. Technology is improving so much that by the time we are ready to start a family, the likeliness of miscarriage and still birth will have hopefully dropped even further. That still scares us.
You were so angry as a teenager, I get that. I think you should have been allowed to scream more. You took so much Sh*t off so many people, and unfortunately I’m learning that is probably just part of the being human thing.
You’re only 16 and you’ve had your heartbroken. You will go through a period of meeting a lot of toxic people (and let me say as a side note, you will fail your driving test many, many times too but that’s all to come. Spoiler: you do pass eventually). We have a boyfriend now, how cool is that? He also happens to be really handsome, which is a benefit. But you know what, he is so kind. You only wanted cool boys in bands that were a bit mean to you. You do grow out of that too. Our boyfriend picked me up at the bus stop the other night because I was home late. We still live in the same village (although you’ve spent some time away) and at 26 I have walked back on my own in the dark from many bus stops before; but, he wants you to be safe. I think he is a good one. Oh, and we have a dog too. You will love him.
Guess what else? We are a fashion designer! Maybe not the famous fashion designer (yet) that you’ve always dreamt of, but we are getting there. We have been recognised at train stations, shown at London Fashion Week, been in fashion videos, and are being paid actual money which then pays our bills. We are doing it girl!
I wouldn’t ever be able to relive your years little me. They were tough. You felt ugly all of the time, you felt not worthy of affection, and were in and out of hospital all the time. But, you know what? Those years have brought us to where we are now. Our whole philosophy is based around creating beautiful gowns for all body types. I believe the struggles you had have influenced every aspect of the business we now run. I genuinely love love because I can appreciate the joy of finding your other half in a pretty desolate world; and I understand the ridiculous and unnecessary pressure to lose weight in order to be accepted. I never want to make another person feel like that.
Like I say younger me, we are fatter now, we are truly loved from the inside out, and we are building a business which will empower women and never shoot them down.
Because of that, I appreciate you and all of your struggles, and I want to thank you for not giving up.
Happy 3rd Birthday to Rosie Red, Happy Valentine’s Day, and Happy 7th Birthday to Gordon the dog ❤